New experiences in life... how do we remind ourselves of these and of what we learned from these? For me, all i know how is to write about it. I find it hard sharing it with people. some of them think i am going mad. at times, i guess i wish i can just go mad, just like *that*. i was like, "go mad over "this"?"

Good thing that i can smile about it right now. and it is a great thing that i am having a quiet mind right now. for the past few days, i had been riding the tide of extreme and intense emotion. the waves of thoughts that crash through me, made me more confused as i struggle to be free and to get to firm land - a sense of equilibrium - as i try to reach out to anything that i can get a hold on. Even sleep eluded me, coming to me only when i am too worn out to fight anymore.

Imagine feeling every heartbeat as fear rushes through you. Emotion, just like a living hell, spreading the unpleasant burning feeling in your chest, consuming you. You twist and turn from side to side, hoping to find rest, hoping to find release and escape, yet, nothing. All you can do was try to survive it, to live through it, as it devoured you and your soul, pushing you down and down.

Yes, i must be crazy. You know very well that i do want to go crazy.