haha :) i suddenly changed my mind about going out... too tired after giving Diane a bath. watched tv instead - Nickelodeon's Avatar(nice cartoon actually, a lot of New Age stuff in there). and i just found it so nice outside, with the strong breeze and the blue sky, oh, and the sunset. :) i went and sat for a while outside, and relaxed myself, until i was bitten by an ant and went in to get a bath. :) haha :)

so much fear in me. i just realized that i am afraid that my feelings are wrong, and that i can't face my feelings. i mean, why the need to remember stuff, to rationalize, to analyze past events, memories, and possible future results? i just wanted to know that my feelings are valid, that they are okay. i want to be sure that i am feeling right and not feeling incorrectly. yet is there really a good and a bad way in feeling stuff? i can't even stand up for myself and for what i feel deep inside. i think about what i feel and only talk about it to people that i know can help me understand it, and at the same time tell me that my feelings are okay, that they are not bad, that they're not wrong, that they're okay, and that they are valid feelings. but most of the time, i just hide all these in me. right now, i think i am trying to analyze/rationalize what i am feeling and thinking....

anyway... :)