Wednesday, August 06, 2008


**People obtain pure joy not because they do great things, but, because they do small ones with great love

** I have learned to understand that even unanswered prayers are a gift because they come from the hands of one who loves me enough to know which to bestow and which to withhold.

**be thankful for what you have, and, you’ll end up having more… oprah winfrey

**the deepest level of worship is praising god in spite of pain, thanking god during trials, trusting him when tempted, and, loving him when he seems distant.

We look forward to the time when the Power of Love will replace the Love of Power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace.
-William Gladstone

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Quinto playing violin... somewhere around July 11, 2008.... look for it. i want to learn....

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

My thoughts, right at this very moment, is like a cooked pancake the i keep on flipping over and over again on the hot cooking pan, checking if it is perfect, or if there are mistakes or imperfections that i can still fix or correct. That is how i seem to go about what happened yesterday afternoon somewhere in my semi-conscious-unconscious mind. Back and forth. Both sides and in between and in the middle. And we know that life doesn't work that way as well. Nothing i can do about it anymore.

I wonder if i am really thinking of what happened yesterday or if i am really thinking of pancakes.

Anyway, :) It's time to stop so that i can eat and enjoy the pancake, to live and enjoy my life, perfect or imperfect it may be. :)

Sunday, August 03, 2008

It's been raining the whole day... Not that i find it saddening... But still...

The past two days have been completely different.

I know my Friday morning didn't start out right, because of a sudden strike of the diarrhoea 3am in the morning. Well, imagine that. I barely got some sleep then i would need to look for the bathroom again. I dare not wake anybody up just to ask for medicine, so i waited until morning. I called in sick that day. Finding meds, i took some and went to sleep. It was such peaceful and quiet sleep that i wouldn't have had lunch if my dad had not woken me up, poking me at the shoulders. i ate regular lunch, but of course, my tummy started feeling weird again. So i took another capsule of medicine, just to make sure. I was well enough to take a bath and informed my sister that i will still be meeting with them and with my college thesismate that night. Out of the blue, i just decided and asked my cousin if i can visit her and my newborn nephew. Getting the go signal, i went ahead.

On the way, i picked up a cake, and even ordered myself a smoothie. It took a while to prepare the smoothie, so i was running a little late. I dropped by the office to give the keys to the server room, as it was needed by a co-worker. After that, i went the other direction to go to my cousin's house. It was then, while i was driving, that i realized how i liked it this way - driving in the late afternoon, just doing what i want, me holding my own time. I never fancied myself as a businesswoman, but i wouldn't mind having one if i can continue doing so. Question is, what business? and i know that i would really want it to be something beneficial to the environment, to the world, not just to me. But hey, i told myself that even if i think so hard right now for it, i wouldn't get the idea now. In time, it may come to me. Better live my life now and just keep my eyes open for opportunities, especially THAT opportunity. i also thought of Janelle, and if she would even consider being a business partner if it ever come to that point, with the business plan and all. Again, in time, let us see.

I just drove while sucking on the straw for more and more of the smoothie, relaxed and laid as i was that time. Entering their subdivision, it started to rain again and poured stronger and stronger as i arrived by their house gate. I was greeted by her mother-in-law and i was told to just continue on up to see my cousin. Right there, on her bed, was my cousin and her newborn son, Rupert. Rupert is definitely cuter in person. I never got the chance to see him in the nursery since the viewing times are my worktime. I saw pictures, but seeing him to face to face is much worth it. and yeah, his face seems to change, in some way. i asked my cousin who has visited her so far, aside from her immediate family. She said that there were just me, from her father side, and Janelle, from her mother side. That thought made me smile - at least we three keep together, stay together and are there for each other.

We talked for a while. and i didn't notice that it was already 7pm. i arrived at her place by 5pm. While Rupert slept, we talked. While Rupert was breastfed, we continued to talk. It was nice seeing her again. I last saw her when i visited her at the hospital two days after the birth. By that time, it was still raining hard. I would have loved to stay, but i know that i have to rush on towards Makati to meet my sister, brother-in-law and my college thesismate, Eric. For this day, i just took everything as they came. In the morning, instead of pushing myself to get well so that i can join them in the meeting that evening, i actually told myself to just rest and just see how i am feeling when i wake up well-rested. usually, i would think and think and just end up feeling bad, but that day, i just let go and let everything take care of itself that day. It felt good, if not great, though i think it felt great because of this liberating feeling. Anyway, i felt comfortable taking my leave. It was such peace. Saying my goodbye to both cousin and nephew, I left for Makati.

I arrived 30mins afterwards, found a parking and met with them for the meeting. I was actually able to follow the conversation, the flow of the meeting. Heck, i even enjoyed my dinner of Thai Crunchy Salad. I was just cool and relaxed about everything. i am usually a nervous wreck, always thinking of all contingency plans, all possible scenarios and outcomes. But that night, i was just me, enjoying my time. Even when i felt "attacked", i stayed calm. It is indeed a great experience to just be, and be good to myself in the process.

Eric rode with me, and i drove him home. This trip back home has definitely been an enjoyable one. We talked about our lives now, when we last saw each other, and how things have been like the past few years. We also talked about destiny, on how things are meant to be, like me and him being thesismates, on our lives and what we went through the past two years with the the people we met and the experiences we went through, and on us meeting each other again that night. He is undergoing changes the past year, especially when it comes to his spiritual life, and so am i with mine. His thoughts, questions and wonderings, as well as his experiences, in some way affirmed my won thoughts, questions, wonderings and experiences. It is also vice versa, the same with him. Our conversation benefited both of us, opening our eyes, hearts, and mind. We talked and talked, and it seemed to light up something in both of us. We already got to their house gate around 1030pm but we continued on talking and conversing in the car up until 11pm. Yes, we will be meeting again next saturday with my sister to talk about the system or program to be designed and made. After saying our goodbyes, i went on and drove for home. I actually find it nice to hear him say, "Grace! It's nice to hear your voice. I haven't heard your voice in a while. I miss your voice." ... or something like that. I can't remember the exact words, but he said something similar to that that night when he called me to discuss when we should be meeting with my sister. We actually talked through dinner, talked for an hour. All through these years, our "brainwaves" still jive, having a similar line of thought. We actually find few people that we can talk to about life, more about things in life, and things way past life - past, present, NOW, future. He is one of the few that i can easily talk to, talk with that deeply, aside from Janelle, and a selected few others at certain and differing depths of conversation.

The next day (Saturday, Aug. 2) though was, you can say, different or the opposite. I was late for work, as usual. and I also left early. But i was tense and easily irritated. You could say that i drove a little "madder" that day. I was easily "affected" by my moods, too sensitive to what my mom, my sister said. Too "mataray" with my dad and my brother. i just wanted to keep to myself, to close myself for a while to those that i felt a little threatened with or felt like being a threat to. i would move away by staying behind or walking fast ahead. It was still the same way the next day, sunday, but it was a milder form. My mind was a little peaceful today. and... you think that it is mind-boggling how we people hurt one another, and mind boggling, in the better sense of the word, on how we help one another. anyway, i spent the day online, watching tv, taking a bath, watching more tv, and then finally spending this time typing down this blog after watching a gruesome film at Star Movies about this RAGE virus spreading through Britain, and in the end throughout the world. Quite disturbing.... and probably why i chose to blog away.

Anyway, this is the time that i should actually be already asleep. Haha :)


... and..... i really want to learn Japanese and to learn to play the violin! :) and then learn other languages. :) Haha :)

Ok, that's it for tonight.