Saturday, February 23, 2008

watashi no elle. kanojo no namae wa elle.

I can compose tons of notes and still be at a lost of what i really wanted to say. My mind is still chaotic despite the perceived quietness.

I can send all these to you & i will not get a reply.

i know things, i believe, yet a part denies & doubts. it's maddening, crazy and senseless at times.

Is that Me i hear? Or is it just me? Or am i running towards what i think i saw or discovered? Is this life even real anymore?

I know it is. It must be. You're here and there. And i'm both happy and hurting deep inside. Stretched to both limits. I guessed i became more flexible, or probably i somewhat got used to it. Did i get better? Or did i get worst? Or am i losing it?

Perhaps not. Or perhaps so.

There is no right or wrong, good or bad. That is what you said. But it seems that there is. Because if it wasn't bad, you wouldn't move away. Because if it wasn't good, we wouldn't have gotten along. I must be talking senseless, shallowness or the other way around.

Either or, neither nor. Can i be both sane and insane, both right and wrong, both shallow and deep? Even both alive and dead? Both nothing and something?

I want an answer, even though i know i will be met by silence, some of your warm, icy silence. Even if the answers are right on my face and i just can't see it because i am so looking out for it... Will i accept it or not? that will be an open-ended question.

How will i choose to live, to be?