Pushing,
grasping,
yet still stuck in place.
swirling round and round
and back where i started.

now confused,
now lost.
more knowledge,
more data or information.
could be trash,
could be useful.
i don't know anymore.
nowhere nearer
to where i want and wish to be.

still trying to reach deep inside,
still holding out my arms.
heart shouting out,
with mouth clasped shut.
mind filling up with thoughts,
conscious, aware,
i am drowning in it,
swept by tides and waves of it.
where else can i go?
where and how else can i flow?

hold them in?
repress them?
suppress them?
all three don't work that well.
i'm about to burst!
run away?
they'll still be with me.
where am i to go?!
face them?
and i'll end up doing all of the above.

i said i won't.
i said i will not do it.
yet here i am again.
doing it again.
bam bam bam
bang my head!
bum bum bum
fists hit the wall!
boom boom boom
screams my heart and mind!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!