every morning i wake up,
I just want to close my eyes again,
resisting the awareness
of leaving the dream reality.
i can now finally see
the deep empty hole inside of me.
the black hole that we speak of,
the hole that i tried to cover.
I am not falling anymore
Yet it is so empty
I am in the middle of it all
I want to feel the hurt and pain instead,
To drown and find release.
Feeling lost even with a direction,
Just wanting to run away.
I tell myself,
"why do i have to face it without you..."
I know the answer,
Yet i still can't accept it.
I was blind or rather oblivious back then
A part of me would give some to get that back.
Yet the degree of consciousness and awareness that you've shown and open me to,
that now makes more things seem so real,
that just makes it more imperative to face all these me,
I don't want to let go.
trying to patch the hole in me
Yet all my efforts go in vain.
sliding back to where i once was
to go back to how i used to be,
or to change and go forward an unknown path,
should i face this now?
am i just fooling myself?
it's all in my head.
but can i fool my heart?
i guess i can as well.
true in my love?
true to you and me?
true to world?
i don't know.
i don't know where i stand anymore,
or do i?