Sunday, April 19, 2009

got scared a while ago.... i am afraid that i am just seeing the world in one "frame of mind" - in that when you see others, you think and ask why are they living that way (not that there is anything wrong with the way they are living). I am afraid to get stuck in just one frame, and at some point "judge". as if you just "see" things in that one way. i don't want to judge, i want to keep an open mind. i live my life, we live our life the way we want it - adhering to the practices we have chosen to become parts of our lives. i want to broaden my mind and my heart. i may not understand completely, nor may i accept everything, but at least not to shut anything out. to just let anything be as they are.

while i was watchng this commercial, and i kinda caught myself thinking in "one" way. you know... and it disturbed me. really disturbed me. if i am not aware, i may end up just falling into seeing that way without knowing. just like horses whose peripheral visions are covered when they are harnessed to carriages. i fear that i'll think that the only correct way to live life is the way one lives one's own life, and to get stuck in thinking the teachings that i've been so used to hearing for the past 3 years i end up conforming to and thinking to be the only path, fearing that if i don't do so, that i'll be "damned" in some sort. though i know deep inside that this is not the case. i know that we live our life the way we want it - we decide on how we live it, through each decision/choice we make. whether it adheres and conforms to how others live or not, it doesn't matter as long as you have not wronged others in anyway. you live your life in peace, and leave them to live their lives in peace. freedom from the consecrating eyes in us that is afraid of what others think of us. i don't want to close myself. i don't want to end up just seeing something wrong in the way people live their lives when there is nothing really wrong about it - it is just the way they choose to live. i don't want to create limitations, when there is no need to set up such limitations that may possibly block us to a lot of things. i don't know... that's how i feeling. i can't really express it word per word, and i feel that i can't truly say it out, but i hope you get what i meant.

i just realized if i hadn't caught myself just thinking that way a while ago, who would have known if i could have continued thinking that way later on and shut out all other thinking or point of views. it's always better to have a wider point of view, by listening to other people's point of view. to expand one's understanding. i want to keep open, to keep neutral at some point, to be able to give the benefit of the doubt when needed.

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