Life Affirmations

I have finished reading my friend's article here at his site:
http://bodhishilta.multiply.com/journal/item/6/Call_of_the_Mystical_Conch_Shell_Total_Solar_Eclipse_in_Cancer

I felt the urge to write the following. It was just supposed to be a comment, but i ended up sharing more. :D

Here is the actual text that i wrote:

Hi Ish. :) as always, i enjoy reading your articles, and more especially so because you write straight to the point, each paragraph unfolding fluidly from one to the next. and they do come in at the right time, re-affirming some of the things i have went and been going through.

Pretty much, you can say, my life from when i was younger up to like 4 years ago, it's been pretty much the same. Not that i am complaining, mind you, for financially, i need not anything much. What i wanted, i can save for. Yet, i've always been looking for something, and you can say i felt empty. Always seeking love. In short, i always felt something missing, especially unable to express my true love and feelings to the people i care for. I write, even back then, but i keep my writings and share it with only a special few.

Four years ago, i went to study abroad. It's a nice liberating feeling, especially since i found and realized that i am able to care for myself and there is so much people i met. I studied for another term, and i guess things were set into motion during that time, opening up to more experiences, learning new stuff and ideas, meeting much more people and getting to know the world more. It also involved being woken up from my Soul's deep slumber, after being set aside and put to sleep during my high school years. You can say that the repressed thirst for my spiritual journey has been quenched, and still continues to be nourished. I have finally started to tend to my own Spiritual growth and journey.

But when i got back after a year of studying, i suddenly fell into this deep paranoia and confusion. Feelings of inadequacy made itself more known, fear gripped my heart, mind and soul that at times i even found myself unable to move. So much fear, i believe, and it also led to so much rage. It felt like hell to be in, to have to undergo that every single day. I didn't want to wake up - i just wanted to sleep and live in my dreams, where i was able to do more for myself, with no limitations at all.

But a year ago, things also started to change. It was as if i was purging all these emotional poisons out, initiated by the loss of a friendship. From it, i was able to finally actually understand what my cousin have been telling me all along - that i am the only one who can help myself. Because starting from there, i picked up the pieces of my heart, of my life. I picked up those that i choose to keep - learnings, experiences, memories - and have learned to let go of the other pieces in my life back to the Universe. Something ended, but another started anew. It was the ongoing journey of my awakening. Awakening is such a big word, but i believe i am allowed to use it as it is for it fits what my soul is going through. Through that year, i became emotionally stronger through the process of my own healing, learning to love myself, and in the process do indeed care for myself.

Right now, i believe that i am continuing to grow this year. I have more learnings, realizations that i ever did. More probably because i have opened myself, and started to be more conscious and aware. When the Year started, my heart and soul yearned and reached out. I have sent my intentions out to the Universe - for continued growth in all facets/aspects of my life. I pretty much believe that the Universe is answering my prayers. :D I still feel stuck at times, but i can count it with my one hand. :) The rest seem to fall into place. :D Aside from that, i am happy to find myself in a more positive disposition, emotional and spiritual-wise. I have chosen to let go of what i can't control, of the uncertain, and have chosen to enjoy what i can in the moment, even in the simple pleasures of a simple life, in the contentment and gratitude for what i still have, for what i am still learning, for what i am still receiving and being showered with. I believe much more that i am meant to be where i am right now - still in the fertile land of growth that is still nourishing me. This stage in my life is preparing me to be stronger and more at ease and in connection with myself - a synergy with my own soul - before i am able to finally go off and journey further into this Universe of ours. But aside from that, i believe that it is also helping me realize my connection with my parents (especially with my mom, and that is why this article feels relevant to me as well). They may be preventing me from some things, but recently, my mom just let me be. She may have not completely approved, but she just let me go. Just like that. :) I am definitely happy that an uptight relationship is finally learning to loosen up a little. I believe it works both ways - both of us are less stressed and i believe we are both able to smile at each other more now. It may be something little, but for me and my mom (i don't know if she is aware of it), it is a big baby step. :) By the time they let me go out on my own to explore the world and Life, i believe by then i will be much more stronger on my own, and able to live fully with their blessings. Also by then, they may have finally opened up and found some comfort that their children can finally go on, be independent, and live on their own. I am still in my parents' protective care for now, and i believe that the Universe has made it so and is preparing me to be stronger. And I believe it is not just me that is getting stronger - i believe that my parents going through one as well, of growth in their own way, and in letting go. :) i am sorry that i am not able to fully expound on it., but i believe everything is going in the positive direction of continued growth. :) I believe that everything that happened in our Life is meant to be. :) and i believe it more and more each day, and in each passing moment. :) Our Life affirms it. :D

Haha :) Ish, i should have just posted this on my own site. :D it is already a journal entry, after all. I hope you don't mind my sharing this long. :) and yes, i'll probably post this on my blog as well. :D But thank you as well. :)