Sunday, April 15, 2007


I'm just home today....

Actually, while i was in Singapore, i had all these thoughts and realizations about myself... Why i have been acting this way - trying to run away from myself, or just not facing myself - as i looked ahead into this patch of green land before me. I was just here two years ago, but now, Singapore looks and feels different to me. I told myself, "Probably i am now seeing, living and experiencing somewhat differently. Could this be?" :) Who knows? :)

Anyway, I wasn't even able to write them down because i was having breakfast with my parents then... and when i got back to our room, i guess, it's the same thing, was with my brother. Or my mind was just elsewhere, again. :)

New things coming in...

Just a while back, i was thinking about life again... A friend of mine is currently attending a Mandala workshop. I didn't know what it was, so i searched the net. Once reading about it, i said to myself, "Yeah, it's time for her. Everything seems to be coming to her now. That's great." :) She's so into these. :) and it really interests her. I'm just glad that she shares about her comings and goings with me, invites me to things that interests her and that she thinks i would enjoy also. :) Anyway, I won't throw myself into that just yet. She's really into that; me, i just want to know about it and explore it some more if i really want it. Other than that, it's her time for that. Not yet for me. :)

If you truly love, trust and want the best for another, just let the person be. At times i can do so, and of course at times i can't. If i don't, i actually lock myself in worry.

Just a moment ago, Ate Remy, our cook, just walked in. She whispered, "Excuse me.", as she entered the room, and it still startled me! hehe :) i had the volume of the TV at my room blasting, and i can hear it from this other room, but a single whisper scared the hell out of me. Ate Remy commented, "Your mind must really be faraway or really deep in thought." And in a way, i think she is right. I was so focused on what i was really thinking. I thought i was alone, nobody there, and i just let my mind go.

I hide myself from others because i don't want them to limit me from being who i am and from being with people i love. But in hiding, i am already limiting myself from being myself. Self-preservation that causes me to feel all caged up, locked up. An irony, isn't it?

Where is home? We ask it over and over again. For me now, it is where our hearts rest and are in peace - wherever we could be, whenever it may be and whoever we are with. Home could be where we are at a certain time or surroudnign, or home could be just being with the person you love.

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