Friday, December 22, 2006

Happy holidays?

Yes, it is a question. A lot of people are telling me that this year, at this time of the year, it doesn't feel like christmas. For me, it doesn't as well. But does it matter? Does this point out something? I guess I'd rather not delve deeper into the matter, or else I will end up thinking a lot again, and who knows where that will lead me again. Thinking seems so real to me - it's like I am having a real conversation with myself, in my head, and at times i think i thought that i am saying what I am thinking out loud when in fact it is just the voice of my mind. Of course, since it is all in my head, i hear my own thoughts, but to think that i might be saying it out loud, now, that's my problem. So, I keep reminding myself: keep mind silent. I don't need to think, because my thinking too much leads to all of these "worries"/anxiety/fear, and I just get all worked up into this constricted person inside. Paranoia... Feels like I am losing my mind, losing myself...

Well, for today, I don't have much to do. We just have until tomorrow to come in for work for this month, and work starts again on January 2 next year. A co-worker will be delegating work to me later, that is after she gets it done. So, am left to spend my own time for now. To think of it, I should have brought over the book on Zen that I am trying to finish. Actually, I do something else to do: to update the list of titles of the Master Talk shown every day and to do the inventory of the DVDs that i am asked to keep track of every week. But I am saving that, or else I wouldn't have anything else to do tomorrow. Almost half of the people who work here are at Albay for the medical and relief mission; if not, they are out of the country. So, imagine, office staff slashed to half for this week, then for Saturday, it is slashed to half again. So you see, nothing much to do anymore, really. :D For the last few days, i have been asking for things that i can do, to help others out since they are pretty much busier than i am. So there, if not for that, i will be a very idle person here, who is left to do a lot of thinking which is bad for my overall health - physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

I am pretty hungry now, munching on the "hopia" pastry i brought over from China. Well, it's gonna go bad after 10 days, so better eat it anyway. :)

I haven't been doing much reading or writing lately, more like since the end of October. To many things to do or i am too lazy after work. :) Though i still buy books when i find some that i really like and am interested to read.

Well, for now, a job. :) so, gotta go! :) Later! :)

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