written because i wasn't able to go back to sleep again, after 430am.... thoughts just kept beguiling my mind...


Is it impulsiveness,
that is the fire in me
at this very moment?

Is it the push
that i feel
that makes me think?

does it fuel
the desire of
wanting things now?

together with impatience
feeling that it is mine to receive
or that i will get it
makes me insane.....

why do i have to
keep on trying
to prove that i am worth it?

why do i fear
that i am not worth it?
that i have to grab hold of it
tightly?
especially if it comes at an unknown moment,
and if it is uncertain to come again.

why do i lose my mind over it,
to keep on going into this
endless wheel of mental anguish
causing my heart to contract,
to quicken, to push, and push and push,
to grab hold of something tightly?

why do i fear that i will not be able to get it?
why do i fear?
why?