Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I AM ALIVE

LET ME GO!
LET ME GO FREE!

RELEASE THE STIFLING GRIP AROUND MY NECK!!
LET ME BREATHE ON MY OWN.

LET GO AND STOP HOLDING ON TO MY WINGS!!
LET ME FLY AND EXPLORE THE WORLD ON MY OWN.

I HAVE TRIED MY BEST,
AND EVEN WITHOUT YOU DOING ALL THOSE THINGS,
I AM ALREADY IN THESE INVISIBLE CAGE,
WOVEN FROM THE STRINGS OF FEAR AND CONDITIONING YOU HAVE PLACED,
PLACED SO GREEDILY.

MANIPULATING YOU?
I HAVE NOT!
I AM JUST SPEAKING UP!

I AM NOT YOU.
OR PROBABLY YES, I AM LIKE YOU.
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE MANIPULATED AT ALL!
JUST LIKE YOU ARE DOING NOW!

I AM DOING MY BEST,
BUT YOU STILL CAN'T SEE!
YOU SAY THAT YOU'LL SEE IT WHEN I DO IT?
NO, I DON'T BELIEVE IT ANYMORE,
NO MATTER HOW HARD OR HOW CALMLY I TRY.

YOU LISTEN TO YOURSELVES.
AND SO, I LEARNED FROM THE BEST: YOU!
SO WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT I JUST LISTEN TO MYSELF,
I HOPE THAT YOU WILL ONE DAY SEE YOURSELVES IN THAT.

I COULD HAVE GONE OFF.
BUT GOSH, I STOPPED OUT OF RESPECT.
SO PLEASE, RESPECTFULLY GIVE ME MY SPACE.
LET ME COOL OF MY STEAM.
BOTHER ME NOT WHILE I AM SO.

THIS HOUSE CAN BE SO STIFLING ALL THE TIME.
HOW QUIET AND PEACEFUL IT IS WHEN I AM ALONE IN THE HOUSE.
RELAX YOURSELVES AND ENJOY YOUR TRIP WITHOUT ME.
LET ME ENJOY THE PEACE THERE IS FOR MYSELF, NOT YOURS.
AND ENJOY YOUR PEACE THERE, WITHOUT MY "NON-CONFORMING" WAYS.

SOMETIMES, IT IS NOT RESPECT ANYMORE.
IT IS FEAR.
I AM LEARNING TO FACE MY FEAR ONE DAY AT A TIME.
YOU ARE ONE OF MY GREATEST FEARS.
BUT YES, I AM ARMING MYSELF TO BE STRONGER,
EACH MOMENT, EACH SECOND, EACH MINUTE, EACH HOUR, EACH DAY, EACH YEAR, EACH LIFETIME.

I WILL BE STRONGER.
I WILL BE WISER.
I WILL NOT WISH YOU ILL-WILL.
BUT I WILL NOT LET YOU CONTINUE TO SNUFF AWAY THE FIRE
THAT WISHES TO SHINE BRIGHT,
ON ITS OWN!

BAD JUDGEMENT?
ARE YOU REALLY PROTECTING ME FROM MYSELF?
HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO SAVE ME WHILE I WAS OUT THERE?
NO! SO PLEASE, REMEMBER THAT!
I HAVE HANDLED MYSELF WELL, EVEN WITHOUT YOUR PRESENCE, WHEN I WAS AWAY!
SO, IS THAT STILL BAD JUDGEMENT?

CAN YOU HEAR ANYTHING, AT ALL?
CAN YOU EVEN SEE ANYTHING ANYMORE?
I WISH TO IMPROVE MYSELF, ON MY OWN.
I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE.
BECAUSE I WILL BE "IMPROVING" MYSELF IN YOUR EYES,
THE WAY YOU WANT! ISN'T THIS MANIPULATION?

CHILDISH? YES, I CAN BE CHILDISH!
BECAUSE YOU WON'T LET ME ACT MY OWN AGE!
BECAUSE I CAN'T DO WHAT I WANT LIKE PEOPLE MY OWN AGE!
YOU DON'T TREAT ME AS AN ADULT.
YOU TREAT ME AS A CHILD - A CHILD UNABLE OF ANY DECISIONS.
IS IT MY FAULT?
HOPE YOU REALIZE THE RIGHT ANSWER.

LET ME IMMERSE MYSELF INTO SOMETHING MORE.
SELF-CENTEREDNESS TO YOU.
FINDING AND LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF - FOR ME.
LET ME FEEL MYSELF - AND ACCEPT MYSELF.

I AM TIRED.
TIRED OF YOU.
I LOVE YOU.... BUT I AM TIRED.
I LOVE THAT ONE PERSON YOU HATE,
AND I WILL CONTINUE LOVING AND LOOKING UP TO THAT PERSON.
FOR HELPING ME REALIZE THAT I CAN BE STRONG AS I CAN BE.
I AM STRONG!
I AM SERIOUS!
I AM ALIVE!

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